Mistreat Yourself to a Paincation in Sufferlandria®
On the shores of the great inland Lactic Acid Sea lies the proud, tortured nation of Sufferlandria®. We are a country that knows no borders, only lactate thresholds. Most of our citizens have only recently discovered their Sufferlandrian lineage, and were washed onto our shores by waves of sweat and the tears of their vanquished competitors. Forget those other countries. No one does Suffering like we do. We live it. We breathe it. We chop it into sharp, bite-sized pieces and eat it for breakfast.
Make your next vacation a paincation.
We warmly welcome tourists. Our landscape, like our populace, is rugged and varied. From the fiery caldera and lava snows of Mount Sufferlandria® to the vast, rolling expanses of the Amber Waves of Pain; from the sparsely-populated Whine Country to the brutal beauty of the Valley of Nine Hammers. Discover your true Sufferlandrian heritage. Come home to Sufferlandria®. Once you do, you can never leave.
Sufferlandria®: Like fun, without the fun parts.
We Sufferlandrians are a nation of many. Just as there is no “I” in “team”, there is also no “Sufferlandria®” without “Us”. Okay, so you have to switch the first two letters around, and ignore the last eleven, but if there is one thing you can say about a Sufferlandrian it’s that we never back down from a challenge, linguistic or otherwise.
- Capital: Agonia
- Land Area: Undetermined. Official territory includes annexed Bike Torture Chambers outside of Sufferlandrian borders.
- Population: Always increasing. Anytime someone Suffers in the pursuit of HONOUR, GLORY and VICTORY, they are Sufferlandrian.
- Currency: GLORY!
- Official Language: Painglish
- Government: Auto-sadisto-dictatorship
- Exports: Primarily Suffering, as manufactured by Sufferlandria®’s beloved state industry, The Sufferfest Complete Training System. The country also has vast reserves of Courage, and is the largest exporter of this raw material in the world.
Without traditional resources, Sufferlandria® has carved out our place in the global economy through the export of the one thing we have in abundance: Suffering. Our primary agricultural product is Sufferlandrian Multi-Pain bread. To feed our victory-hungry populace much of the Sufferlandrian heartland has been plowed under. It is a vast expanse of Amber Waves of Pain.
There are several ports of entry into our country. Most international visitors arrive through Pain, Suffering, or Selfless Sacrifice in the Pursuit of Victory. Although visas are not required, you will be asked to complete a Citizenship Application upon your arrival. It’s important to know when you arrive whether you really mean it. You are allowed to bring unlimited suitcases of courage with you, provided they are properly declared and aren’t empty.
Sufferlandria® has a unique political system with no known analogues. Political scientists describe it as “Auto-sadisto-dictatorial”: Autocratic rule of the self by the self. Every Sufferlandrian serves as his or her own malevolent dictator, exercising supreme power to mete out punishment upon oneself. Personal edicts are issued daily in Bike Torture Chambers across Sufferlandria®, compelling our citizens to suffer greatly for the causes of Glory, Honor, and Victory. A result of this form of government is that non-Sufferlandrians tend to suffer terribly when around a Sufferlandrian exercising their governmental prerogative, especially when on a bike.