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Arriving and Departing*

There are several ports of entry into our country. Most international visitors arrive through Pain, Suffering, or Selfless Sacrifice in the Pursuit of Victory. Although visas are not required, you will be asked to complete a Citizenship Application upon your arrival. It’s important to know when you arrive whether you really mean it. You are allowed to bring unlimited suitcases of courage with you, provided they are properly declared and aren’t empty.

IMPORTANT TRAVEL ADVISORY: Any individual attempting to enter Sufferlandria with a crankset containing more than two chainrings or a cassette with a large cog exceeding more than 25 teeth will be denied entry and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. DON’T EVEN TRY IT! OUR SNIFFER DOGS WILL PICK UP YOUR NON-SUFFERLANDRIAN TENDENCIES LIKE RABIES!!! White skinsuits as typically worn by French 2nd division teams are also forbidden.

*Departure from Sufferlandria is strictly prohibited.


Flying

All major airports are serviced via our national carrier, SufferlandriAir. Our fleet consists of only the most advanced turbo-trainer powered aircraft. Passengers are assigned seating according to their VO2 max and average wattage, with priority seating given to those who can complete a Sufferfest training session without puking.  We have three fare levels: ATTACK!, Tete de la Course and COUNTER ATTACK! Domestic service includes daily shuttles to the Unhappy Valley and the Sufferlandrian Coast, with flights leaving you in the dust. Upon your final descent into Sufferlandria, you should immediately assume the crash position, because it’s going to hurt. Oxygen masks may deploy in an emergency, and though the bag may inflate, it’s still not going to help.


Bicycles

The primary mode of transportation in Sufferlandria is the bicycle. Because of our unique geography, most roads are uphill both ways. If a local Sufferlandrian tells you the route is downhill, you should expect an uphill climb of 5-7%. If they say it’s uphill, you’re looking at above 8%. Most roads are paved…with broken cobbles and lots of cracks. All roads lead directly into the wind.


Train(er)

The best way to see Sufferlandria is by trainer. The national train service, SufferRail, offers a GetRailed pass for travelers, allowing unlimited saddle time for as long as you turn the pedals.


Car

What?

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