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Join the Tour of Sufferlandria February 14-20, 2021

The ninth edition of Tour of Sufferlandria, the Greatest Grand Tour of a Mythical Nation in the World, is coming. Seven days of brutal stages showcasing the harsh beauty of that tortured country on the shores of the Great Lactic Acid Sea, all to benefit the Davis Phinney Foundation and their programs to help those affected by Parkinson's Disease.

JOIN THE TOUR

 

If you haven't ridden the Tour and are wondering what to expect, read on. Below you'll find everything you need to know.

 


 

HOW IT WORKS

The Tour of Sufferlandria works like this:

  • For seven days in a row, you ride the Sufferfest workouts that we tell you to ride as part of the Official Route.
    • Feb 14: Joyride + Cobbler
    • Feb 15: Nine Hammers
    • Feb 16: Fight Club
    • Feb 17: Half is Easy + Goat
    • Feb 18: Norway (New video released 9th Feb)
    • Feb 19: Who Dares + The Cure
    • Feb 20: Defender + Attacker
  • It's not a race - repeat...this is not a competition. It's just you doing the workouts each day and successfully completing all of them in the app. But that, dear Sufferlandrians, is, indeed, a huge physical challenge (that we know you're up for).
  • When it's all over, and if you got all the stages done, you get a badge in the app (YEAH!). And, based on how much money you've raised, you go into the pool to win a prize.

And that's pretty much it! Simple as.  But it's also so much more. (You really should read the FAQW at the bottom as the Tour has some...quirks.) It's an unbelievable community. It's fun. It's funny. It's hard. It's an awful lot of prizes. It's glorious, actually. And, most importantly, it's a chance to raise money for the Davis Phinney Foundation, which helps people with Parkinson's live better lives today.

Want to join us? Of course you do. Just register below and donate at least $15 to the Davis Phinney Foundation. 

 
  • For every additional $10 USD you donate or fundraise, you earn one additional chance in our prize pool (so if you register with the initial $15 donation and raise or donate an additional $100, you earn 11 chances in our prize pool). Even better: Start a fundraising page and ask your friends to donate to your cause.

  • To encourage you to start your fundraising early, Sur PhytoPerformance (makers of AltRed and our Tour partner) will match up to US$35,000 of every dollar donated or raised before the start of the Tour!
  • Want to be a part of the community? Join the SUForum. It's the Official Race Village where challenges are made, tales of glory are shared, and prizes are lusted after. Not required, but totally worth it.

Once it's over, you will have accomplished something truly incredible. HONOR, GLORY and VICTORY will be yours.

One week after the ToS, we take all the donations and randomly select winners for the prize pool.

 


 

Why Just Seven Days This Year?

We know what you’re thinking, “Only 7 stages?! Has Grunter von Agony gone soft? Have him report to Flogging Station #42 post haste!”

Before you all start marching towards the Nine Hammers Tavern with pitchforks and flaming chamois, know that this was not a decision that Grunter and the rest of the Tour Committee took lightly. We’re living in extraordinary, unprecedented times. Given the current realities, we need to make sure that we act in the best interest of the Sufferlandrian community, while still holding true to the spirit of the Tour.

The Tour is grueling. It chews you up and spits you out....then picks you up off the floor and chews you up a bit more just to make sure it got all of the juice out of you. In the midst of a global pandemic we need to be mindful of not encouraging anyone to unnecessarily compromise their immune systems. The point of ‘Suffering’ in Sufferlandria has always been in the service of Honour, Glory and Victory; not to dig yourself into a hole so deep that you’re no longer able to do the things you love.

Will the 2021 Tour still be challenging? Hoo boy, just wait until you see the route. Despite being seven days, this is no walk in the park. You will be tested. There will be moments of doubt. But you will emerge victorious and live to ride another day. Besides, we want you to be able to join us for the tenth edition next year. I hear Grunter has something...special planned.

 

 


 

What You Need:

 

  1. A stationary bike, turbo trainer, or rollers.
  2. A subscription to The Wahoo SUF Training App (The Sufferfest).
  3. A device that’s compatible with The Sufferfest app (Windows, iOS, or MacOS—check minimum device requirements for details).
  4. Register and make at least a $15USD donation to the Davis Phinney Foundation.
  5. Complete each stage, ideally when it starts and ends in your timezone, though you do have a 50-hour window. Check out the Stages Countdown Timers for start and finish times for each stage.
  6. A willingness to Suffer for the HONOUR, GLORY and VICTORY of Sufferlandria.

That’s it.

Did someone say prizes? Oh yeah. 

PRIZE LIST

 

 


 

The Tour Prep Plans

To quote Grunter von Agony, "One does not simply walk into the Tour of Sufferlandria." As in years past, the coaches at Wahoo Sports Science have created a series of Tour Prep Training Plans to help you get ready for Glory. You can find them in the Training Plans library in the app and apply them directly to your calendar. They start on January 4th and end on February 13th. Once the official route is announced, we'll release the Tour Route plan that you can also apply to your calendar.

There are two versions of the plans:

  1. One for those Sufferlandrians who HAVE completed Full Frontal or Half Monty in the past 6 weeks.
  2. The other for users who have NOT completed Full Frontal or Half Monty in the last 6 weeks. This version will have Full Frontal in the opening week to ensure that your workout targets are accurate.

For each version there are three levels: Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced. This refers to how many hours per week the plan requires (not your experience as a cyclist). 

You'll also be able to add optional yoga, strength training, and mental toughness sessions to any plan.

 

 


 

Make Your Custom Race Bib

Race in style and let the world know that you're Suffering so that those affected by Parkinson's don't have to. Use this template to create customizable versions of a Powerpoint or Keynote template that you can upload as your avatar on the SUForum and social media.

 

 


 

Get The Poster

Suitable for framing, the official poster of the 2021 Tour if a must-have for any Sufferlandrian. All proceeds go to benefit the Davis Phinney Foundation.

 

 


 

Four Ways to Ride The Tour

The Tour is one of the toughest physical challenges you can take on. But *exactly* how tough it should be depends on what the Tour means to you, your experience level, and whether you’re using the Tour as a springboard to other goals.

So everyone can ride the Tour, regardless of fitness, experience or circumstance, Sufferlandrian National Team Coach and Chief Science Officer Sir Neal Henderson, together with Coach Mac Cassin, have developed four different ways to ride the Tour. All options are approved and heartily endorsed by Grunter von Agony and the Ministry of Suffering. Whatever option you choose, you’re riding the Tour. We’re in this together for HONOUR, GLORY, and VICTORY! You'll be able to choose your option when you apply the Tour of Sufferlandria Stages plan to your calendar in The Sufferfest app.

1. The Money-Raising Option

Take this option if: You can’t do all the stages but you really want to be part of the fun. Maybe life just isn’t going to let you do the full Tour this year. Don’t let life stop you! You won't get the ToS badge in the app, but you're ok with that -- just pick a few stages that you can ride, ride them however you can and start raising money for the Davis Phinney Foundation. You’ll have a blast, be part of the fun, and you can heckle the other riders from the sidelines of the stages you’re not riding. Grunter's Gran Fondo (details below) works perfectly for this option. 

Sir Neal says to expect the following with this option:

  • Intense personal satisfaction from raising money for a worthy cause.
  • Increased confidence from nailing a few stages of the Tour with an eye to a full completion in 2022.
  • You won’t earn a ToS finisher's badge in the app, but who cares. The 2022 one will be nicer.

2. The Get-Me-Through-It Option

You want to prove to yourself that you can take on something big and finish it off. You want to Suffer, but you need to do it on your own terms. Excellent. You know, most professional cyclists riding the Tour de France do the same thing - they target a few stages that suit their strengths and try to conserve energy on others. So, even though you’re not a pro, you’re smart like a pro! In this option, you should identify the stages you want to ride at 100%. These can be whatever stages you like, but should be ones you’re highly motivated to perform on. Space them out so you can recover in-between on the other stages, which you should ride at lower intensity (70-90% depending on how you’re feeling). Push yourself, but don’t lose sight that your main goal is to just get it done.

Sir Neal says you can expect the following if you take this option:

  • Nutrition and recovery will still be key, but need particular attention the day before and on your targeted stages.
  • You’ll need to be mentally up to the task of lifting your game on target days, so try something like the focus exercise in the Mental Training Programme.
  • You will still have good and bad days. If you get to a target stage and your legs aren’t up to the challenge, either fight through it to learn how you cope in such a situation or change the plan and target another stage.
  • A faster recovery (generally in about 7 days) than those on the Nuclear option. It might take longer depending on your level of fitness at the start of the Tour and how brutal the stages are that you intend to target.

3. The Focused Option

Choose this option if: You want to ride a good Tour, but don’t want it to compromise your goals a little further down the road. You want a mix of full gas stages and reduced intensity stages. This plan will ensure that you nail the stages that matter most for your continued improvement.

Sir Neal says to expect the following with this option:

  • You might find it frustrating on days when you feel great to keep the intensity low(er), but rest assured the Tour will still grind you down...but not so much that you won’t rise again for your goals down the road.
  • It’s still going to be really hard, so it’s critical to stay on top of nutrition, hydration and rest/recovery since you’ll be riding 7 days straight!
  • You’re going to recover faster than if you choose the nuclear option...about 5-6 days depending on how much you rest immediately after the Tour.Sir Neal says you can expect the following if you take this option:

 

4. The NUCLEAR OPTION

Take this option if: You’ve been waiting for the chance to destroy yourself and this is it. This is the Tour at 100% from the start, holding that as long as you can before you spectacularly burst into flames. And you will burst into flames. But, as a Sufferlandrian, you’ll pick up the ashes, mix them with a bit of Real Pagne and Holy Water, form it into a shape resembling you and get cracking again at full pelt. Until you burst into flames again. Glorious.

Here is what Sir Neal says you can expect if you take the Nuclear Option:

  • Nutrition and recover are going to be critical. Pay extra attention to what you’re eating and drinking, build recovery into your schedule and make sure you get lots of sleep.  Progressive decline in power output over the duration of the Tour. It’s expected and its OK because...
  • ...you’re going to experience epic, epic, epic levels of Suffering. This makes it a…
  • ...real mental challenge. Which, if you’re considering a post-Tour Knighthood, will be a useful exercise.
  • Full recovery from the Tour will likely take at least 7 to 10 days or possibly more, depending on your baseline fitness at the beginning of the Tour.
  • With a training overload this big, some people might not see as much of a fitness increase as possible due to the extreme nature of the Nuclear Tour.
  • Lastly, your immune system is going to take a hit, increasing your risk of upper respiratory tract infection. So take care of yourself and pay extra attention to hygiene in public settings (wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands).

No matter what option you take, don’t forget three very important things:

  • Every stage is open as long as it is that day somewhere on Earth. That means there is a 50-hour window for every stage. Use that window wisely to help gain some additional rest. 
  • Whatever option you choose is yours alone. You don’t need to tell anyone what option you’re on, there will be no categories of riders and no competition. As Sufferlandrians, all we care about is that you push yourself and Suffer. Of this, we have full confidence in you.

With these four ways of riding the Tour, there is no reason not to ride. Those living with Parkinson’s Disease are counting on you. It’s your patriotic duty as a Sufferlandrian to be on the start line with the other members of your nation. Plus, it’s a lot of fun.

Choose your path and ride with COURAGE. We’ll see you there.

 

 


 

Taking Care of Your Body During the Tour

The Tour of Sufferlandria is no walk in the park. Seven days of back-to-back Suffering is bound to take its toll. It’s important that you look after your body as you ride the Tour to ensure you’ll be able to make it all the way to the end. With that in mind, here are a few tips to help keep your body primed for Suffering:

Fuel for the Fire

Ensure that you keep your body fueled properly by monitoring the food and drink you ingest. Where possible, we recommend eating an easy-to-digest meal that’s low in fat and high in carbohydrates around 2 hours before your scheduled ride. You should consume 1-2g of carbohydrates for every kilogram of body weight. Using this formula, a 70kg Sufferlandrian would aim to eat between 70- 140g of carbs a couple of hours before training, depending on the length of the stage you’ve got in front of you. For more information on how best to fuel yourself for our workouts, check out our Eating To Suffer Nutrition Guide, which is available with your subscription to The Sufferfest. Open the app, click on Training Plans, scroll down to the bottom, and click on Eating To Suffer to download the full PDF.

 

 


 

Staying Mentally Tough

At some point during this year’s Tour, you’ll be tempted not to start a stage, or to quit a stage halfway through. If you’re lucky, that won’t happen until the end. If you’re unlucky, it’ll happen halfway through stage 2. The important thing is not to give up and maintain the Suffering - keep pushing. You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish. Here are some tips to help keep you pedaling when you’d rather climb off and rest:

  • If you haven’t tried the Mental Training Programme in the app, now is the perfect time. The Getting Positive and Positive Self-Talk modules will give you invaluable tools to help identify and neutralize negative thoughts before they derail your Tour. After the Tour, start the 10-week programme of modules and associated exercises to get the full benefit and to make the most of your post-Tour fitness.
  • One of the easiest ways to stay motivated is to get others invested in your Suffering - Tell your family, your friends, your work colleagues, your local plumber and your pets that you’re taking on the Tour of Sufferlandria. You won’t want to disappoint them by backing out. By the same token, raising money for a worthy cause like the Davis Phinney Foundation is another excellent way to take some of the focus off your own Suffering and get you focused on helping those living with Parkinson’s disease. Here’s a reminder of where you can set up your donation.
  • Another reason to raise money for the Davis Phinney Foundation (aside from all the good karma) is our prize list. As you ride along, think about which of the awesome prizes on our main prize list you’d enjoy the most. Can you see yourself climbing the storied slopes of Ventoux on the Col Collective Cycling Tour? Crushing the competition on your Indigo Custom Cycles gravel grinder? Or suffering it out on a brand new Wahoo KICKR BIKE? Remember that every $10 you raise gets you an extra entry in the grand prize draw, so the more you donate, the more chances you have to win!
  • The easiest way to raise an amount of money that will earn you the respect of your fellow Sufferlandrians and soon-to-be Sufferlandrians is to let as many people as possible know about your quest. You can interact with us on Twitter and Instagram by using #tos2021 and directing your tweets to @TheSufferfest. You can also make yourself a totally awesome Tour of Sufferlandria race number. Use it as your avatar on social media to let all Couchlandrians know that you are racing for honour, glory and victory.

 

 


 

Getting Your Spot Ready

Take some time to set up your trainer station with everything you’ll need for the week. At a bare minimum you’ll need your bike, trainer, and a device with The Sufferfest installed. Other possible additions include:

• A fan to keep you cool (essential unless you live in the Arctic).

• A towel to mop up all the sweat (Sufferlandrian Holy Water) you’ll spill over the course of the Tour.

• A bucket (you never know when you might need it).

• A Minion to observe your Suffering and ‘motivate’ you with floggings.

If you haven’t used the app before, don’t wait until the start of the Tour. Our Help Centre has a wealth of information regarding minimum hardware requirements, tips on connecting devices, and basic troubleshooting.

We highly recommend going through the following checklist:

  • If you want to connect heart rate monitors, cadence sensors, or power meters to the app to capture performance data, make sure you have everything you need to allow the app to talk to your sensors (ANT+ USB2 dongles, any adapters if necessary).
  • If your trainer station doesn’t have good internet connectivity, download the videos for the next stage the night before the start. That will prevent any interruptions to your suffering that might be caused by streaming issues.
  • Make sure you have the most recent version of the app. iOS should update automatically. For Mac users, open the app and select Help>Check for Updates.
  • If you have a smart trainer, make sure the firmware is up to date. Contact the manufacturer for additional information.

If you have a power meter, smart trainer, or conventional trainer set up for virtual power, take the Full Frontal fitness test a few days before the Tour and get your complete 4DP™ profile. Designed to determine your Neuromuscular Power, Maximal Aerobic Power, Functional Threshold Power and Anaerobic Capacity, Full Frontal will allow the app to customize all of the power targets to match your unique 4DP™ values. If you’re using a turbo trainer where your rear tyre is in contact with the trainer, buying a spare tyre (or a trainer-specific tyre) could be a worthwhile investment, as long periods on the turbo trainer will accelerate the wear on your rear tyre.

 

 


 

Frequently Asked Questions

Let me get this right. The Tour of Sufferlandria is simply donating $15 to the Davis Phinney Foundation and then doing one or more Sufferfest videos over 7 days as listed in the Official Route?

You got it.

Is it a race?

No. It is simply you against yourself to see whether you can push yourself for 7 days. We believe you can.

Where does it take place?

In your Bike Torture Chamber, Pain Cave or whatever you call it, using The Sufferfest. 

How do I know what stages to do?

We'll provide details of the Official Route about a month before the start of the Tour. You can also apply the Tour Stages training plan to your calendar in The Sufferfest app. 

How do I sign up?

You register by making a $15 donation to our partner charity, The Davis Phinney Foundation through the Official Tour Registration Page. For every additional $10 you donate, you’ll earn another chance to win one of the amazing prizes in our prize pool. As an incentive to kickstart your fundraising efforts, for every $10 you raise or donate up until the start of the Tour gives you TWO chances.

You're raising money for what?

For the Davis Phinney Foundation, which helps people with Parkinson's lead better lives. Read all about them below.

Can I donate money, not ride any of the Tour and still be eligible for prizes?

Yep, sure can.

Can I raise funds and get other people to donate in my name and then I earn more prizes?

Yes. When you registered, you'll have been given you own personal fundraising page. Send the link to that to everybody you know and even people you don't know. Get them to support your Suffering and this awesome cause! 

How will you know I did all the stages?

We actually aren't fussed if you do all the stages or not. What we do care deeply about though is that you do a Tour you're proud of. That's going to mean different things to different people and only you can be your own judge. However, if you do finish all the stages in the app, you'll get a cool 2021 ToS badge in your App PassPort. AND BADGES ARE COOL.

Do I have to do the stages at 100%?

No. Unless you want to. Like last year, there will be different ways to ride the Tour. You can choose your option when you apply the Tour Stages plan in The Sufferfest Training Plans tab. Adjusted intensities will automatically be made for you.

For stages with more than one video, do I have to do the videos back-to-back?

Tour purists would say yes. But we understand that not everyone has the luxury of doing each day's stage in one session. As long as you complete the workouts included in a given stage within the 50-hour window, you're golden.

Do I have to do the stages on the exact dates? 

You actually have a 50 hour window in which to do each stage thanks to the wonder of a round planet and multiple time zones. To feel part of the Tour experience, we strongly encourage you to ride the stage during that window.

How do I get a ToS 2021 Badge in the app?

To get the badge, you have to do each stage in the app within the 50-hour window.

Do I have to have The SUF app in order to complete The ToS?

Yes.

Are there donuts?

Flogging station 6 is open. Report immediately.

Why on earth do people think the Tour de France or Giro d'Italia is harder than this?

We've no idea. Amateurs. 

What kind of bike do I need for this? Can I do it on rollers?

As long as you can Suffer on it, we don’t care what kind of machine you use. 

Is this the most amazing event EVER?

Until the 2022 Tour, yes it is.

I understand that Sufferlandrians are always nice and supportive. Is that true?

Yes. We're the friendliest batch of badasses this side of the Great Lactic Acid Sea. As Sufferlandrians, we believe in the values of PAIN, MISERY and AGONY as the path to HONOUR, GLORY and VICTORY. That path is different for everyone and we enthusiastically support anyone who chooses to go down it. We have zero-tolerance in our culture to bullying, being nasty, mean, abusive or unsupportive, denigrating anyone else's achievements or just generally being a jerk. If we see any of this, we will delete and ban without warning or questions.

Can I post graphs of the data from my rides in the SUForum?

We far prefer that you post pictures of you Suffering. We're all doing the stages, we all know the route profiles and we all know how the data looks. We're already proud of you for doing the stage and we really don't want to see your data. But if you really insist on boring everyone to tears, then go ahead and post your graphs BUT YOU MUST: 

  1. Make your post funny
  2. Donate an additional $10 to the Davis Phinney Foundation

I guess I'm going to get hungry? What do I eat?

Check out our nutrition advice for getting through the Tour. 

 


 

After The Tour: What Now? 

Assuming you survive all seven stages and arrive victorious in the Sufferlandrian capital of Agonia (and why wouldn't you), you're probably wondering, what now? Besides dancing on the shredded chamois of your vanquished enemies, here are a few recommendations for what you should do after the Tour:

  • Donate to our charitable partners, the Davis Phinney Foundation, and help to make the lives of people living with Parkinson’s disease a little easier. Donate here
  • Tell the world about the massive goal you’ve just achieved by getting the word out there on social media. Use the hashtag #tos2021 so your fellow Sufferlandrians can see it too!
  • Convince your friends and loved ones to donate to the Davis Phinney Foundation. If you need help, offer them the choice of donating or riding the Tour with you in 2022. You’ll either get them to donate to a charitable cause or welcome a new citizen to the glorious nation of Sufferlandria. Everybody wins.
  • Give yourself a week to recover, then test yourself by completing Full Frontal again to get your new 4DP profile. If you completed Full Frontal in the week before the Tour, you'll most likely see quantifiable differences in your fitness. If you didn’t complete Full Frontal before the Tour, now’s a great time to see exactly who you are as a cyclist, your strengths and weaknesses, and to start training with personalized power targets.
  • Start one of our Training Plans for Road, Triathlon, Gravel, Cyclocross,  XC Mountain Biking, or eSports. Designed by world-renowned Coaches Neal Henderson and Mac Cassin of The Wahoo Sports Science Division (and available for riders of all levels), these plans are tailored to your 4DP profile to provide maximum benefit with minimum time.
  • If 7 straight days of Sufferfest stages wasn't challenging enough, take the plunge and complete 10 videos in a row on one day to become a Knight of Sufferlandria!
  • Start planning for the 2022 Tour. It's never too early.

 

 


 

Our Charitable Partners: Why We Suffer

The Davis Phinney Foundation is committed to supporting programs and research that deliver inspiration, information and tools that will enable people living with Parkinson’s to take more control in managing their disease. The DPF was founded in 2004 by Olympic medalist and cycling great, Davis Phinney, who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2000 at the age of 40.

Davis Phinney is one of our heroes from the 80s. He was a professional cyclist with an impressive palmares who won (among many other things) two stages of the Tour de France. His wife, Connie Carpenter, was the 1984 Olympic Gold Medalist in the first Women’s Road Race and a World Champion on the track. Davis set up the Davis Phinney Foundation to help people with Parkinson’s live better lives now. Davis and Connie are our ToS 2018 Race Patrons. Their son is Taylor Phinney, who raced for EF Education First–Drapac p/b Cannondale professional cycling team before retiring last year. Their daughter, Kelsey, is a World Cup-level nordic skier. 

Listen to The Sufferfest Podcast: Everybody Hurts with Davis Phinney and Connie Carpenter-Phinney

 


 

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