6 Hacks for Setting Up Your Bike Torture Chamber Like A BADASS

So you have a bike, you have a turbo and you have a few of Sufferfest videos. Great! Now what? Well, you might be putting off the Suffering because your Bike Torture Chamber (BTC) isn’t ‘perfect’ yet. Excuses! We’ll have none of that! You don’t need a lot of expensive gadgets to for optimal BTC conditions. Here are some great hacks that will get you Suffering…and save you some money.

1. USE A PHONEBOOK AS A RISER BLOCK

Many turbos require a riser block. Also, you can simulate climbing indoors by raising your front wheel. While you can get an expensive plastic riser, there’s another great option: your phone book. No phonebook? Try bricks, an old copy ofA Song of Ice and Fire, or any other stable surface.

 

2. USE A CARDBOARD BOX AS A MAT 

Set your turbo atop an old towel, a cardboard box, inflatable kiddie pool or those multi-coloured interlocking foam matts and keep that PainStain off your floor. If holy water flows forth from you like the Mighty Colorado River, repurpose that kiddie pool you had lying around - your floorboards (and significant other) will appreciate it!

 

3. USE A MIRROR AS A COACH 

Set up a mirror next to your turbo so that you can see yourself side-on. This is helpful for…

  • Tinkering with your bike fit. Learn about doing a basic fit here: https://youtu.be/1VYhyppWTDc
  • Assessing your posture and analysing your pedal stroke for any inefficiencies
  • Reminding you to suffer harder

4. PROP UP YOUR TABLET ON A MUSIC STAND 

If you’ve synced your videos to a device or subscribed to The Sufferfest streaming app, don’t spend a hundred bucks on an iPad stand when a music stand will do. If you’re musically inclined or have kids in elementary school, you might already have one of these handy!

Bongo drums also make great bottle stands.

5. DON’T NEGLECT YOUR GEAR 

It’s a well known fact that Sufferlandrians shed Holy Water like it’s nobody’s business (see point 2). When in Sufferlandria, do as The Minions do and protect your gear with these hacks:

  • After a hard session of pain shakes, peel yourself off the top tube and pop some crumpled up newspaper into your shoes. The newspaper will absorb the Holy Water and extend the life of your shoes. This is particularly handy during colder winter months and if you have another workout planned for the next day.
  • Protect your bartape or handlebar grips with old t-shirts or beach towels. Holy Water is highly corrosive and can turn your bartape into a sticky mess. This may distract you from the task of ATTACKING!!! (And the Minions will not stand for that!)
  • Your back tyre spends a lot of time on your trainer’s roller. Make sure you let off the tension at the end of the ride at the risk of permanently embedding a lump and being forced to buy a new tyre (or pretending that you’re at Paris-Roubaix)

6. SUFFER ANYWHERE! 

Who said your BTC had to be luxurious and well lit? Suffer anywhere, like on a boat, in a closet, Hobbit hole. You name it, it’s fit for Suffering. So save on electricity, save on rent, save on space by cramming your turbo, screen and PainStain protector wherever it will fit. The grimmer, the bettter!

PainStain burned into the floor… must have neglected number 2.

 

I'D RATHER LIVE IN A CAVE WITH A VIEW OF A PALACE THAN LIVE IN A PALACE WITH A VIEW OF A CAVE. - KARL PILKINGTON


Jared McClintock
Jared McClintock

Author



1 Response

Sir Manny
Sir Manny

September 16, 2016

You forgot fans, electric not human. An essential piece of gear.

I also have a set of powered PC speakers I picked up cheap somewhere that I plug into my iPad. Lets me play the rocking soundtracks louder and it drowns out the moaning and cursing so my neighbors don’t hear it.

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