As lactic acid rain came down over the town of Agonia, 2,366 Sufferlandrians from around the world began the first stage of the Tour of Sufferlandria.
With a leisurely preamble through the town, where Sufferlandrian flags flew from every home, the riders had a chance to reflect on the off-season, trade insults with each other and look forward to a glorious 9 day beating each other into the ground."How fitting for the start of the tour!" said Jessica Gray. "Hungover, doing the tour in the middle of a split shift and it just started thunder and lightening!"
As the pace began to quicken, there was a quick and unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome, detour into a local kitchen for some cooking lessons. At this point, some riders were under the wrong impression about Stage 1 - such as Niclas Schönning "After a the warmup I thought this should be easy but I was wrong. Last ten minutes was as promised by Sufferfest." As soon as the pack pulled out of the kitchen, a break went up the road with Tommy Voeckler and Geert Steegmans, along with a host of other riders from visiting teams like Sky, Omega-Pharma and Europcar. The Sufferlandrians latched on and through the howling cross-winds, over the cobbles and bergs and under a torrential rain, went blow for blow with the world's best professionals. After sitting on the back of the break all day, Voeckler was motivated to attack after passing a school in which the young children had written "VOECKLER = COUCHLANDRIAN" on a large sign. The break hesitated and only the Sufferlandrian went with him. It was a nail-biting, chamois twisting finish thanks to a fast closing group of chasers and a long, drawn-out sprint finish -- but it appears the Sufferlandrian took the victory.
The Sufferfest App for Mac, iPad and iPhone is the most affordable, and powerful, way to turbo-charge your fitness. Get unlimited access to our entire video library. Connect to your power meter, heart rate strap or smart trainer, and train to specific fitness targets exactly the way our coaches intended. You can even train with virtual power. Try it free today.