Sufferlandrian Coat of Arms

The Coat-of-Arms. A symbol of a nation. A mark of a people, their pride in who they are and what they stand for. Today, Sufferlandrians can stand tall. Not only because we like to feel the full impact of a headwind so we can destroy it with our power, but because our new Sufferlandrian Coat-of-Arms is now being revealed. The artistic equivalent of winning the final Champs-Élysées sprint of the Tour de France by 100 bike lengths, this is a thing of terrible beauty. Grunter von Agony, our beloved Director Sportif, is weeping, wrapped in the national flag, like a little child in the corner. Let us let him be and take a tour of the intricate details of badge of honor.

  • National Identity: Yes! There it is - this could be no other nation. Hail Sufferlandria! The national colours of red, white and black are luminous.
  • Character: There are six words that every Sufferlandrian must know. They come from polar opposites, but are as closely related as night and day. Pain. Agony. Misery. Those three stand at the top - the entrance. Honour. Glory. Victory. They stand at the bottom - the exit. In between?...
  • The Shield: Four powerful symbols represent our nation. Four elements to represent what every Sufferlandrian goes through on the journey from Pain, Agony and Misery to Honour, Glory and Victory.
    • Resistance: There is no growth without a headwind. Without a stiff grade. Without a solid beating from a Minion. The 11-tooth sprocket represents strength and determination in the face of this resistance.
    • Suffering:  The tear of agony is the perfect, small (but startling) encapsulation of this ideal emotional state.
    • Overcoming the Un-Overcomeable: For most, riding up a mountain, usually a big one, is a challenge. Bah. If you're going to overcome an obstacle, it must be a proper obstacle. Mt. Sufferlandria is a mountain, yes, but it also happens to erupt lava. And that is the kind of obstacle that Sufferlandrians ride through and over.
    • Generosity: They give everything, the Sufferlandrians do. And they give even more than that when it comes to Suffering. What better to represent this willingness to give, to suffer to the absolute maximum, than the universally feared effort level of 10/10.
  • Adversity: Those leaves? That's cabbage. From the Great Cabbage Famine (famously related in Local Hero). Reminding us that even in tough times, we must persevere.
  • The Mantra: Underneath it all - the foundation of everything - our National Motto: I Will Beat My Ass Today To Kick Yours Tomorrow, distilled down to the acronym known by heart by all but still rather difficult to pronounce.

We hope that this, our dear Sufferlandrian, resonates with you. This Coat-of-Arms is for you. We hope you like it and we want you to have it as your computer or device wallpaper. With that in mind, it's available in the following sizes - just click the link and you'll be taken to the image where you can then save it.

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