The Tour of Sufferlandria: 9 Days of Suffering
They say that the Tour of Qatar isn't hard enough. There are murmurs that the Tour Down Under, even though harder than before, still isn't terribly difficult. Rumor has it that the Tour de San Luis in Argentina is little more than a tourist trip and even Europe's early season races have become simple warm-ups for the rest of the season.
That's all changing thanks to a new race sponsored by the Sufferlandrian Tourist Bureau. Slotting in nicely to the UCI calender of early season races, the Tour of Sufferlandria was created to bring back the drama, agony and misery that the early season peloton deserves. Starting on January 26th, the 9 day event promises to turn even the softest rider into a true Sufferlandrian by the end, on Feb 3rd.
- Saturday, Jan 26th: Hell Hath No Fury
- Sunday, Jan 27th: The Hunted
- Monday, Jan 28th: Extra Shot + Fight Club
- Tuesday, Jan 29th: A Very Dark Place
- Wednesday, Jan 30th: Angels
- Thursday, Jan 31st: The Wretched + The Long Scream
- Friday, Feb 1st: The Downward Spiral
- Saturday, Feb 2nd: There is No Try + Revolver
- Sunday, Feb 3rd: Local Hero
According to Grunter von Agony, race director, "The course is carefully balanced between agony, misery and despair. So, yes, the Tour of Sufferlandria is a worthwhile target for anybody looking for an early season goal. You really ought to have some solid training behind you before you start it, and you'll surely go through a roasting in hell during the race. When you come out the other side? With a solid 9 days of effort behind you, you will be able to take an ox, tie him to your bike, drag him up and over Mt. Sufferlandria while he tries to run the other way, and drink a flagon of ale made from the bikes of all those you crushed on your way to a glorious victory. Or the Minions will eat you for lunch. But, whatever."
To join the ToS, you must simply commit to following the schedule above and ride yourself into the ground each day. Join the community on our Facebook page for inspiration in those dark moments between stages to hear stories of HONOR GLORY AND VICTORY. Those who complete and register their 9 days with our partner, TrainerRoad.com, will be be eligible for daily prizes and thrown into a pool of prizes from the 'fest, TrainerRoad and others at the end of the event.
Daily updates will be provided on Facebook at facebook.com/thesufferfest and on Twitter #TourofSufferlandria
If you're doing the event on TrainerRoad.com, you'll be eligible for a bunch of prizes. You have to do the stages on the days specified and do them in the order indicated. Days that have two videos have to be done back to back (not one in the morning, one in the evening. You don't climb off and take a break in the middle of a Tour de France stage, do you? Neither do you in the Tour of Sufferlandria.)
For those who finish each day: we have three sets of Sufferfest decals to give away every every day, as well as a free month of TrainerRoad.
For those who finish the entire Tour on TrainerRoad.com: we will put you into a pool and draw names to win the following prizes...
- The choice of a 32GB iPod Touch or 16 GB iPad mini (provided by the kind gents at TrainerRoad)
- 1 Wahoo Fitness Kickr
- 1 PowerBar Sufferlandrian PowerPack
- 2 sets of Sufferlandrian National Kit (Jersey + Bibs)
- 1 Sufferlandrian National Jersey
- 3 iphone handle bar holders from Minoura.
- 2 Wahoo Fitness Blue HR Straps (for iPhone 4S & iPhone 5)
- 2 Wahoo Fitness Blue Speed/Cadence Sensors (for iPhone 4s & iPhone 5)
- 2 Wahoo Fitness Run/Gym Packs (ANT+ HR Strap & ANT+ Key for iPhone 3, 4 and 4S)
- 1 year of free TrainerRoad
- 1 Sufferlandrian Windvest
- 3 Sufferlandrian National flags
- 3 Tour of Sufferlandria posters
- 1 full refund of all 12 videos
- 1 free entry into the TransRockies Challenge Mountain Bike Race in BC, Canada
- 1 x Cyclepassion Calendar 2013
- 1 x Cyclefilm's "The Italian Job - Gran Fondo Recon" - 6 DVD Set
- 1 x Cyclefilm's "Roads to Glory - Alpine Training" - Free download
- 1 x Cyclefilm's "Roads to Glory - Pyrenean Training" - Free download
- 5x Athlete Audio's App (Mental Training)